The B-List: In the NYTimes and How to Join

Vane from the blog Brooklyn Bride and I started The B-List in 2009 as a way for bloggers who have emailed and read each other's blogs over the years could finally get to know each other.  The event was a huge success and in April 2010 our group grew and The B-List had an even more awesome event in Washington, DC.

Wedding blogs have become more and more mainstream in the past two years.  Bloggers have been featured in national wedding magazines (BRIDES, Martha Stewart Weddings) and quoted in a variety of news outlets.

Over the weekend the New York Times published a story in the Style Section on the popularity of wedding blogs and how they have become an important part of the wedding planning process for brides. (Click here to read Blogging Brides.)  While there were a number of bloggers and blogs mentioned, the writer also highlighted The B-List as a professional organization of wedding bloggers.

The B-List is a community of wedding bloggers who help nurture and support wedding bloggers across the country and around the world.  Being a member includes free admission to our annual conference as well as events throughout the year and promotion to traditional media outlets as a trusted wedding resource.

If you are interested in becoming a member of The B-List please visit blog.theb-list.com and complete our online application.

If you have any questions about The B-List you can email me and Vane at theblistmeetup@gmail.com.

Tips If You're Planning a Surprise First Dance

I recently assigned a story that was published today on aisledash.com on first dance videos.  I had the writer pull together 10 great surprise first dances - you know the type, where the couple starts with a traditional first dance and surprises their guest by suddenly dancing to a choreographed upbeat song.

Anyway, one thing I noticed with almost all of these dances was that it took a long time to get to the surprise.  One couple slow danced for a minute or so before breaking into the upbeat choreographed number.

My advice is that if you are going to surprise your guests keep the slow or traditional dance to no more than 30 seconds.

Another tip is to let your photographer and videographer know what you're planning so they aren't recording the dance from behind you.  You'll want to see the smiles on your faces when you watch your wedding video.

Girl You're Amazing, Just the Way You Are

I don't know if this is the title of the song but it was playing on my way home tonight.  If you listen to the lyrics he is singing about how beautiful and perfect the girl is and that she shouldn't change a thing about herself.

I posted a story on aisledash.com today titled Extreme Beauty where we featured some cosmetic treatments you may be considering, including lash extensions that last for months, specific hair treatments, teeth whitening and botox.  These aren't that extreme when you think about the lengths people have and will go to make themselves over.

There's a new reality show being taped as I type this featuring about a dozen brides who compete in challenges to win - not a beautiful wedding - but plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures for their wedding.  Seriously.  The winner is then "unveiled" at her wedding.

Can you imagine the groom at the end of the aisle waiting to see his bride and she looks completely different?  He is marrying you for you and think your perfect just the way you are.

I'm sorry but there is really something wrong if you think you need to have plastic surgery before your wedding, unless of course you were in a horrible disfiguring accident.

I'll be honest, I don't love my nose and have thought about having it "fixed" but in the end I decided that this is how G-d made me and I'm happy with who I am and what I look like.  Also, how do you know that after the procedure you'll look any better?  I know a few people who had work done and one of the nose jobs didn't make them look any different and someone else decided to have her chin implant removed because she liked her chin better pre-implant.

I get emails weekly from doctors who perform plastic surgery specifically for brides and I think there was one email about a group session where all the bridesmaids and the bride can get work done together - what a fun bachelorette party idea, right?

I don't promote plastic surgery on either site because I don't want to encourage this as a trend.   Be happy with who you are and know that you are amazing, and beautiful, just the way you are.

Re-Gifting Tips

While you should never re-gift something you have probably thought about it and maybe even done it.  I know when I was in college and had no money I would re-gift things that my parents had received and didn't need or want.  Sorry, it's true but I had no money.

I remember going to a bridal shower and the bride opened a box and inside was a card to Sharon and Michael, wishing them all the best.  The bride who opened the box was Adrienne and her groom was Daniel.

My sister opened an engagement gift from friends of our parents and after unwrapping the present the box looked a little dusty and in some spots you could see the cardboard where the original wrapping paper was held with scotch tape.  The gift was a plastic serving tray that also had dust on it.

Both of these gifts were obviously re-gifts.

Here's my advice if you are going to re-gift something - for a wedding, shower or any occasion - and yes I know that you shouldn't re-gift something but the truth is, it happens:

1. Double check the box the item came in to make sure there isn't a card written to you or someone else, in case this gift to you was a re-gift.
2. Make sure there are no receipts that show the date the purchase was made, unless it was in the last 30 days and exchangeable.
3. If the items has been out of the box, clean it so it doesn't look dusty and buy a nice box and tissue paper to wrap it in.
4. If there are marks on the box that show where wrapping paper was held with tape then try to use tape in the same places so that when the paper comes off it can be assumed that this wrapping paper made those marks.

Now I'm not saying that re-gifting is okay to do.  What I am saying is that if you're going to do it follow these tips so that you don't get caught.

If You Have the Ball to Do It Then Have the Balls to Say Who You Are

RE: Commenting on My Blog and Other Sites

Unfortunately I don't get to go through comments on this blog everyday but I try to weekly and reply when someone asks a question or make an interesting point.

I welcome comments and emails from readers but I draw the line at comments that are rude to other commenters just for the sake of being rude.  Calling someone a name is just plain mean and not necessary.  There's no reason people can't disagree with each other and still respect and be civil to each other.

A commenter, Anonymous, on a post I wrote about Registries Not Being Greedy didn't like that a commenter thought that she received crappy/bad gifts from guests who didn't use her wedding registry.  There's nothing wrong with disagreeing but to call the commenter a "brat" and wish that her "marriage fails" is unnecessary and obnoxious and rude.  Plus, if you're going to have the balls to write something negative to or about someone at least have the balls to put your name on it.  Which is a personal beef I have with the Internet.

I think it's disgusting that people feel that they can act their worst because they can use the username "Anonymous" or a fake name and hide behind the screen.

I didn't delete the comment because I was hoping that you will go to the post and read the comment - it's the second Anonymous - and in the future when you write a comment on a post on this or any website  think about your words before you type and click ok/send.  Remember that there is a person on the other end of that post/comment you are commenting on and think about what you would say to that person's face if you had the chance.  Would you be rude and mean?  Would you say what you're writing?  Would you wear a mask to hide who you are and say mean things?  And how would you like it if those things were said to you?

Just something to think about.

Staged Wedding Photos

We just got back in from dinner near the Fulton Ferry Landing in Brooklyn and there was a group of people taking formal portraits with the Manhattan skyline behind them.  There was a girl in white, a guy in a tux, some kids all dressed up and a group of girls in matching purple dresses.  From the looks of it you automatically thought wedding but this was actually a sweet 16 group.

This location is very popular with bridal parties and on a Saturday and Sunday you can expect to see one posing for pictures at any time of day.

If you and your groom want to take portraits or some candids at a location other than your wedding ceremony or reception venue make sure that your photographer is aware of this and that you make time in your wedding day timeline to get to and from the shoot location and have time to take all the photos you want there.  Give your photographer a list of what you want and make sure that someone in the bridal party  or your wedding planner's assistant is checking off each one so you don't forget a must-have shot.

It's important to make sure this information is in your vendor contract with your wedding photographer because you don't want to incur overtime charges or at least you want to know if there's an extra fee associated with this off-site shoot.

A Second Wedding Dress: Do You Really Need Two?

There was an article in the New York Times last week about the trend in buying a second wedding dress.  The story noted a number of recent celeb brides - Chelsea Clinton, Carrie Underwood - that changed into a second dress for the reception or at least for part of the reception.

Now I'm a firm believer in doing whatever you want and I know it's good for the economy but I really don't like this trend.

The wedding dress is probably the most important "outfit" you'll ever buy and possibly the most expensive, so why only wear it for a few hours?

I believe that there really is just one dress out there for each bride - just like the guy and ring.  I do realize that people do get divorced but at this stage you are set on spending the rest of your life with this one guy.

It may not be the first dress you try on and it may not be the 100th but trust me it's out there.  You can wear a slim fitting or minidress to any event but for your wedding buy your dream wedding dress and wear it for the whole day.  If you can't dance in it and dancing is important to you then buy a dress that you can dance in.

The person who alters your wedding dress should be able to make sure that you can walk dance breathe and hug people in it.

I'm sorry and I know a lot of you may disagree with me on this but I just think it's a waste of money and if you feel the need to buy a second wedding dress then maybe the reason is because the first one is not THE one.  Trust me, it's worth the wait!

Write Down Your Vows and Toasts!

I'm studying up for a TV segment I'm taping tomorrow on engagement rings and trying to memorize the different ring descriptions, prices and designer names..  There are six that I really should know by heart, but to be safe I'm writing the information down on notecards.

I'd rather refer to a card on set than make something up or say I don't know the answer to a question.

While it would be nice to recite your own vows by heart or toast the bride and groom without a printed speech, it's better to have a note card or paper with the words you want to say on them than forget what you wanted to say and be stuck with the mic.

No one in that room will hold it against you or look down on you for referring to your notes.  This is a very important day and it's better to get the words you want to say out correctly than have to make something up on the fly.

A Wedding Bank Account

If you and you're groom or planing on setting money aside for your wedding you may want to open a checking account specifically for the wedding.  This way you can put money in there and write checks from it without worrying about the money you use for daily and monthly expenses.

We Couldn't Make an Engagement Party At the Last Minute

Yesterday we were planning on attending an engagement party for a friend of ours but at the last minute we couldn't make it.

The party was just over an hour away from us and we were told we could bring the baby but about an hour before we were about to leave for the island Dave got stuck at work with an emergency and we had to cancel.  We felt horrible because we had RSVP'd yes and the party was formatted like a wedding - cocktail hour, formal meal.

If this situation happens to you and you are the hosts (bride and groom) be gracious and understanding.  Don't start a fight with the guests - I'm sure they feel terrible that they can't make it.  They may not go into detail but they probably have a good reason for not being able to come so don't quiz them, just accept what they say and say you're sorry you missed them and that you would have liked them to celebrate with you.  If there is another pre-wedding party coming up mention that you look forward to seeing them at that event.

If you are a guest in this situation try and call the hosts (bride and groom) as soon as you know that you won't be able to make the event.  If the decision to not go is made after the event has started, don't bother the hosts (bride and groom) but call a friend or relative who is there and let them know.  They can tell the couple and you should email or text the couple stating that you won't make it and that you'll ring them after the event.  If the event you can't make is the wedding just wait till the next day if you can't reach them before the invitation time - you don't want to ring them while they're about to walk down the aisle!

What did we do?  Dave texted the groom that he was held up at work just before the party started and called a friend going to let him know what was going on.  Then about three hours after the party was over, Dave called the groom to apologize and explain what happened.  Then I went on the couple's bridal registry and sent them a nice gift -- spending a little more than we had planned.