We Got an Engagement from Someone We Didn’t Plan on Inviting to the Wedding. Now Do We Have to Send them an Invitation?

You don’t have to send a wedding invitation to someone just because they sent you an engagement gift. You do however have to send them a thank-you note.

If at some point the gift giver says something that gives you the impression that they’re expecting an invitation you can either ignore their comment or explain that you’ve decided to have a more intimate wedding with your closest family and friends and kept the list extremely short.

Do We Have To Mail Wedding Invitations to our Parents and Bridal Party?

I would send wedding invitations to everyone who is invited to the wedding including your parents, the groom’s and the bridal party. In the case of the parents, you can ask them if they want a copy mailed to them. They may say that you don’t need to waste the postage, but they will probably want a complete wedding invite set as a keepsake.

My Parents are Paying for Our Wedding But My Fiance’s Parents Want Their Names on the Invitation. Should They Be?

It’s more important to have a pleasant relationship between the in-laws, so while etiquette dictates that the host of (paying for) the wedding is listed at the top of the invite you may want to find a compromise that makes everyone happy. Here are wedding invite guidelines:

The first line of the wedding invitation is the “host line” which means that whoever is hosting the wedding is listed in the format of:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to…

When a parent is not hosting the wedding but would like to be listed on the invitation you can include them after their child's name in the following way:

Daniel Johnson
son of Jack and Susan Johnson

If the hosting parents don’t really care if they share the hosting space with their future in-laws the hosting line would read:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jack Johnson
invite you to…

I Love Vintage Stamps, Does It Make Sense to Use Them On Our Wedding Invitation Envelopes?

The cost of one stamps is 45 cents and your wedding invitation will probably cost at least 60 cents with so many inserts adding to the weight. To place vintage stamps -- assuming their denominations are all between 1-30 cents -- you will need a huge envelope to get to the total you need to mail one invite. And remember that an oversized envelope will also add to the price of mailing.

I think a better option would be to design a vintage-looking stamp at zazzle.com. This way you get the vintage look but don’t have to worry about buying dozens more stamps to meet the rate you need or getting an extra large envelope.

Another option is to use vintage stamps on invitations for events with a limited number of guests -- bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner. This way the rate to mail is lower and you won’t have the extra cost of 100+ envelopes to find stamps for.

If you're looking for vintage stamps, Champion Stamps is a great resource.

When Addressing Wedding Invitations Can We Write “and Guest” and “and Family” on the Outer Envelope?

If you can, find out the name of the guest and address the invitation to both your friend/relative and the name of their guest. But if you don’t know and can’t find out the name -- and email asking should suffice -- “and Guest” is fine.

I remember learning that “and Family” was a no-no but I think times have changed, especially if space on the outer envelope is limited. Whether you’re having your envelopes calligraphed by hand or machine ask the vendor if it would be possible to fit parents and children on the outer envelope, and if you can then do so. If you can’t “and Family” won’t get you in trouble with the etiquette police.

Can We Email Our Wedding Invitations and Supply an Email for RSVPs?

I would say no, though my usually answer of you can do whatever you like also applies. But I really do think a wedding invite should arrive in someone’s mailbox, and not in their inbox.

Save-the-date cards, in my opinion, are fine for email, but make sure granny and her generation get a hard copy, or at least a phone call, if they don’t have an email account.

If you’re making a green statement by emailing your invitations you can also make it with a wedding invitation that is made from recycled paper or cotton and uses eco-friendly inks.  A number of wedding invitation companies are eco-friendly including Oblation Papers & Press and Crane & Co.

Another e-invite don’t is the emailed RSVP. Maybe I’m old fashioned but it’s appropriate to include an RSVP card and envelope set for guests to send their replies or you can send an RSVP postcard and save on the extra printing and a few cents on the stamp.

We’re Having a Semi-Formal Wedding, Should We Use Titles When Addressing the Invitation Envelopes?

I would. Unless your wedding is really casually you should use appropriate titles when addressing the outer, mailing, envelopes. The male guest’s name should be spelled out, but not the female’s.

For example: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

If he’s a doctor, judge, in the military, the format would be the same with his title being Dr. or The Honorable or Captain, etc… Ex: Captain John Smith, U.S. Navy and Mrs. John Smith.

If the female guest is the one with a career title her name would go first with his underneath: Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith. But the “and Mr. John Smith” would be written beneath hers.

It’s technically not proper to put The Smith Family on the envelope if you’re inviting the whole family, but no one is going to call the etiquette police on you. When inviting a family put the parents’ names on the outer envelope and each person’s name on the inner. Another option is to send one invite to the parents and the second to adult (over 16) children in the household.

My Parents are Paying for the Wedding and My Fiance’s Parents Want Their Names on the Wedding Invitation Too, What are Our Options?

The wording of a wedding invitation is broken into several parts:

Host Line (who is hosting a/k/a paying)
Request Line (the invitation to come to the wedding)
Bride and Groom Line (the name of the couple)
Date and Time Line
Location Line (where the ceremony will be held)
Reception Line (where and when the reception will be held or a separate card)
R.S.V.P Line (on the lower left corner or a separate card/envelope)
Attire Line (lower right corner, optional)

Since the groom’s parents are not hosting or co-hosting the wedding you can put their names under the groom’s. Example:

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Jones

invite you to the wedding of their daughter

Samantha Louise

to

John Smith

son of

Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Smith

Saturday, June 18, 2011

at six o’clock in the evening

Tribeca Rooftop

reception immediately following

If your parents don’t really care you can add the groom’s parents names to the host line if it’s a bigger deal to them. Remember, it’s important to not have World War III break out as it gets closer to your wedding day so try and accommodate your future in-laws if you can.

The invite with the co-host line would read something like:

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Jones

and

Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Smith

invite you to the marriage of their children

Samantha Louise

and

John Smith

Saturday, June 18, 2011

at six o’clock in the evening

Tribeca Rooftop

reception immediately following