How Many People Should Give a Toast at Our Wedding?

I suggest limiting the toasts to three or four -- father of the bride (especially if he’s hosting), the best man, maid of honor and the bride and groom together. And all toasts should be kept to a few minutes in length.

A wedding reception tends to include a list of traditional elements: first dance, parent dances, blessing over the food, cultural dance (such as the hora), bouquet and garter tosses, cake cutting ceremony, plus toasts. Cutting the toast list down is one way to ensure that your guests have time on the dance floor as well as time to speak with each other and the bride and groom. I would also suggest cutting the bouquet and garter tosses if you want more dancing time.

If you have other relatives and friends who want to say something, and especially if their speech is more of a roast than a toast, I would ask them to speak at the rehearsal dinner.

The Festival of Lights

In honor of Hanukkah Dave inspired me to write a post on lighting.

Do you know how celebs look great in photos?  It's because they're lit well.  Lighting can make a difference in the way you look in a photograph and can also help the mood in a ceremony and reception space.

Ask your location manager what lighting is provided by the venue - dimmers, pinspots, etc...  And then talk to your florist about what additional lighting you may want to bring in via a lighting company.

Of course bringing in a lighting company will add to your budget, but asking won't cost you a thing so get all the information and then make a decision.  It might not cost as much as you think and to cover the additional costs you can pull money from another area of the wedding budget to cover it.

Shopping for a Wedding Venue

You  may have heard that Kate Middleton was spotted leaving Westminster Abbey this week so the newspapers are speculating that Westminster Abbey will be the location of her wedding ceremony.

Every bride should visit ceremony and reception venues before signing a contract.  The exception for this of course if you're having a destination wedding, in which case I suggest hiring a wedding planner who you trust to vet locations for you.

Bring along a list of questions to ask the location manager and don't be afraid to ask any and everything that pops into your head.  Better to know the answer before paying a (non-refundable) deposit and signing a contract.

Some brides will look at several locations and narrow the list down to their top 3-5 and then bring their groom and parents to take a look and check out the space.  You may also want to do this with several vendors, especially ones your fiance isn't that concerned with like the florist.

I dragged Dave to 10 locations in one weekend and I think we saw a dozen florists and I could tell that after the 3rd or 4th appointment he really didn't care and just wanted to go home.  It would have been better for me to vet the locations and vendors and only take him to my top 3 picks where I would have had his complete attention and interest.

New Trend: Singing Toasts

In case you missed this week's Field Notes column in the New York Times Style Section, you missed my quotes on the latest trend in wedding toasts: performance toasts. Best men, maids-of-honor, members of the bridal party and parents are deciding to serenade the happy couple with a parody they wrote in lieu of the traditional speech.

I just love this idea and have seen it at wedding receptions, rehearsal dinners and showers. If you aren't shy and have a way with words, more specifically lyrics, then you may want to think about singing a toast to the bride and groom.

Here's the link to the article, To the Happy Couple, and My You Tube Clip with links to some of the clips mentioned in the story.

If you know of or have performed a parody at a wedding or pre/post-wedding event I'd love to see the clip -- and I'm sure other readers would too!

Your Reception Room Layout

When planning they layout of the reception space it’s important to think about where everyone will be seated – not their exact seats but where the tables, including the head table will be placed - and where the band/DJ will be set up and the cake displayed. Your location manager will have suggestions based on what they’ve done before.

While you’re thinking of the room’s layout think of the moments and details that will take place during the reception: toasts, special dances, other entertainment, the bar, etc...

We recently attended a wedding where the band was off to the side of the room and the head table was at the back/center of the room so all could see them. When the father of the bride and best man got up to give their speech they were facing the room and the video camera but their backs were to the bride and groom, so whenever they mentioned the couple they had to turn around to acknowledge them. Why the toastmaker didn’t stand on the opposite side of the room facing all of us and the couple I don’t know, but they were saying beautiful things about the bride and groom and didn’t get to see their reaction and the bride and groom didn’t get to see the toasters face while he was speaking.

It’s important to think of the layout in more than just where the tables will be. Don’t be afraid to ask the location manager about other options and ideas you are thinking of and listen to what he/she has to say on why those ideas will or won’t work.

You are Seated at Table...

When you’re planning your seating chart remember that there are two places in the reception room that are not regarded as the best seats in the house. Sitting next to the band or a DJ’s speaker makes it hard for guests to have conversations at the table. And sitting next to the kitchen places guests far from the dance floor and center of activities, as well as puts them right next to a very busy area – waiters and bussers with large trays coming and going.

As you can see from the photo above, we were seated next to the kitchen at a recent wedding we attended. Now that’s fine, someone has to be seated there, but it’s important when you’re arranging tables that you consider very carefully who you put in these chairs.

If you are inviting someone that either you don’t really care for or don’t care if they get upset with you, you can place them in one of these areas. The other option is to place friends or relatives that you know won’t give you an attitude or a problem for being seated next to the band or kitchen.

At this wedding we were with a group of friends of the bride and groom, and besides me, no one mentioned the fact that we were next to the kitchen. They did however notice that we were sitting under a vent and that it was hard to get a good look at the first dance and speeches from our seats.

So when you’re finalizing your seating chart it’s just as important to think about where the tables will be in the room as it is to plan who will be sitting at each table.