For Our Wedding Ceremony, Do We Have to Stand With Our Backs to Our Guests?

Not at all.  There are a variety of seating arrangements available for guests -- circle and square layouts will allow guests to sit in a 360 degree arrangement, though some people would still see your back.

If your ceremony venue doesn’t allow you to reconfigure the chairs ask your officiant if when you get to the altar you can turn to face your guests and his back is to them. If you have a rather large train this may be difficult to maneuver so make sure your bridesmaids can help you.

A crazy idea would be to set up a large screen or two and have a video of the wedding ceremony livestreamed on them so guests can get a shot of you from all angles during the ceremony. But this is more like an award show, conference or sporting event set-up so I don’t know why I’m even suggesting it.

Don’t feel that your guests will think it’s rude to have your back to them.  That is the traditional and expected layout, but a unique front of view option is always welcome.

Do I Have to Buy a Plain and Diamond Wedding Band for the Wedding Ceremony?

Of course not.  You can buy one or both -- it’s entirely up to you.

Jewish ceremonies require a plain band, meaning one that is a complete circle and not “broken” with stones. But this doesn’t mean you have to buy them.  Many couples exchange their parents’ or grandparents’ rings and then slip on their “real” wedding bands after the ceremony.

If cost is the issue, I would suggest buying wedding bands that you can afford and save up for a diamond wedding band for a special anniversary -- like your 10th, 20th or 25th.

Do We Have to Walk Down the Aisle?

It’s tradition but if you don’t feel like it then don’t do it. Talk to your officiant and ceremony venue manager about other options based on the location -- is there a side entrance near the altar you can walk in from? Is there a trap door you can pop out of? (I'm kidding, unless of course you're into theatrics.)

I would also ask yourself what is it about walking down the aisle you don’t like or want to avoid. If it’s the attention then skip the wedding and elope because as the bride (and groom) all eyes will be on you all night long.

There are ways to make the processional simpler: skip the large bridal party, don’t adorn the aisle with a lot of decor, play a light song.

As for walking up the aisle after the ceremony I would do it and not slink out the side door. Your guests want to celebrate this wonderful moment with you so take your time making your way up the aisle and acknowledge their cheers and best wishes.

We Want More Than the Classic “I Do” Wedding Vows, Where Can We Find Ideas for Our Wedding Ceremony?

First talk to your officiant to find out what other options he or she may have. There may be a number of vow styles your officiant has used in the past that are available to you. You can also research alternate vows online and in ceremony planning and vow books -- yes, they do exist.

Relatives and friends as well as film and TV weddings are also good places to look for inspiration. You don’t have to copy these words verbatim but you may get an ideas for your own vows -- style, formality, etc…

If you want to write your own vows to talk to your fiance about your comfort level in sharing these intimate words in front of a crowd. Some people are more comfortable than others.

My Fiance and I Want to Write Our Own Vows, How Do We Get Started?

First talk to your officiant to find out if you can write your own vows or if your religious service won’t allow you to. Once you get the greenlight you can look for inspiration anywhere: songs, poems, the Bible, the movies, your own love story.

It’s most important that you speak from the heart and share with your fiance, and your guests, why you love each other, what this day means to you and your wishes for the future.

It’s important to remember that your vows will be spoken aloud so you don’t want to say something that’s embarrassing to you, your fiance or any of your guests.

You may want to come to an agreement with your fiance as to the length of your vows and if you want to include or omit anything specific. It’s up to you if you want to write your vows together, write them separately but share them with each other before the big day or surprise each other.

Make sure you write out your vows (or type them) carefully so that you won’t have any trouble reading them. If you’re planning on memorizing them write them out anyway just in case the emotions of the day make it hard for you to remember them.

And save the printed copy in a safe place because this is one wedding detail you’ll cherish.

Asking Guests to Turn Their Cellphone Off

You know how when you go to a movie there’s a slide that reads, “Please turn your cellphone off” or when you go to the theatre someone says over the mic, “Please turn your cellphone off” -- should you have someone say that at your wedding or include it in your wedding program?

Part of me thinks that people will laugh as if it’s a joke, but the other part knows that if I were the bride I’d be pissed if in the middle of my wedding ceremony an annoying ringer goes off.

I don’t think the bride or groom should make this request but maybe the officiant can as he or she begins the service. And say it with a smile.

Don’t be afraid to ask your officiant if this is something they would recommend or if they’ve done it before. I’m sure they can tell you stories of ceremonies interrupted by a cellphone ring or worse, someone who answers the phone during the service.

Shopping for a Wedding Venue

You  may have heard that Kate Middleton was spotted leaving Westminster Abbey this week so the newspapers are speculating that Westminster Abbey will be the location of her wedding ceremony.

Every bride should visit ceremony and reception venues before signing a contract.  The exception for this of course if you're having a destination wedding, in which case I suggest hiring a wedding planner who you trust to vet locations for you.

Bring along a list of questions to ask the location manager and don't be afraid to ask any and everything that pops into your head.  Better to know the answer before paying a (non-refundable) deposit and signing a contract.

Some brides will look at several locations and narrow the list down to their top 3-5 and then bring their groom and parents to take a look and check out the space.  You may also want to do this with several vendors, especially ones your fiance isn't that concerned with like the florist.

I dragged Dave to 10 locations in one weekend and I think we saw a dozen florists and I could tell that after the 3rd or 4th appointment he really didn't care and just wanted to go home.  It would have been better for me to vet the locations and vendors and only take him to my top 3 picks where I would have had his complete attention and interest.

Setting the Ceremony Time

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and the invite read 5pm so we got there at 5:20.  We missed half the ceremony!  Of course we felt bad and the truth is the couple didn't notice, but we were surprised that the wedding actually started at 5pm on the dot.  All of the weddings we've ever been to started about 30 minutes after the invitation time.  During that half hour guests will mingle, have some water or champagne and find a seat for the ceremony.

Talk to your ceremony location regarding exactly when the ceremony will begin.  Does it have to start on the dot because there's another wedding behind yours or is there some wiggle room?  And then talk to your parents and his -- they'll know if their relatives and friends are used to a window of time before the ceremony or if they're used to a wedding starting exactly at the time listed on the invitation.

I remember a wedding in college that started over an hour late because most of the guests didn't arrive until an hour after the invite time.  And then there was another wedding where the bride knew her guests had a tendency to arrive late by an hour or more so she added the word "promptly" to the invitation time so those guests would arrive on time.  It worked.

Officiants: Make Sure He or She Can Legally Marry You

When my aunt was married in 1985 she hired a Justice of the Peace to be their officiant.  The wedding was in Suffolk County, Long Island.  After the officiant arrived for the ceremony he notified the couple that he wasn't licensed to marry them in Suffolk County, only Nassau County.

After their ceremony at the catering hall my aunt, new uncle and two witnesses got in a car and drove to the county line on the Long Island Expressway.  They pulled over to the side of the road and in the car the Justice of the Peace redid the ceremony - making their marriage legal.

It's very important to confirm that your officiant can legally marry you.  If you're not sure what the laws are in the state, or country if it's a destination wedding,  you are getting married in then contact the local government office.  Each state, and I'm assuming many countries, will have marriage license laws listed on their official website so it shouldn't be difficult to find.

Also, if you are having a friend or relative marry you confirm that they have been ordained through a ministry - online or off - that the state (or country) recognize.