Do We Have to Have a Ring Bearer?

No you don’t have to have a ring bearer.  You can ask the best man to hold the rings or the groom can keep them in his pocket.

Even if you do have a ring bearer, no matter how old he is, he should carry fake rings and have the adults hold onto the real ones.

How Do We Decide What the Groom Should Wear?

The groom’s attire should reflect the formality of the bride's wedding gown and the wedding. If you’re in a ball gown he should be in a tuxedo. If you’re getting married on the beach he should be in light slacks and a white button down.

Before shopping for him you should have picked your wedding date, time of day and location and your wedding dress.  Just as your wedding gown's style will be dictated by the time of day and the venue or setting, so will the groom's.

Kleinfeld’s new Men’s Department has a great guide to the different formal wear and suiting style for men. You can see it, along with their product selection, at kleinfeldmen.com.

I’ve Heard the Parents of the Bride & Groom Should Give Their Future Son/Daughter-in-Law an Engagement Gift. Is This True?

Wedding or engagement tradition dictated the bride’s parents give the groom a watch and the groom’s parents gift the bride a pearl necklace. Today the gift doesn’t have to be a watch or necklace, or you can skip this tradition altogether.

While not as popular as it once was, I think it’s a nice idea -- as a kind of welcome to the family - to gift something special to the bride/groom from the parents. These types of gifts are sentimental and can become family heirlooms.

Remembering that it’s the thought that counts, if your parents are thinking of giving their future son/daughter-in-law an engagement present make sure it’s something that he/she will cherish. It can be something which can be worn at the wedding (jewelry, watch, cufflinks) or an item he or she will truly appreciate. If possible, have it monogrammed or engraved to note the occasion.

Just like many wedding traditions you can tweak it to make it what you want it to be or forget it altogether.  I wouldn’t tell anyone that they have to give a gift. A gift is something they should want to give and can afford to give.

What Are Some Ways to Dress Up the Groom’s Wedding-Day Look?

I love seeing guys in a colorful or printed tie or bow tie to put some personality into their suit or tuxedo. You can find a wide range of color and fabric options for ties, bow ties, vents and cummerbunds at the men’s store or rental shop, but you may also want to shop at specialty stores or craft your own.

TieCrafters.com can custom make any of these items in a fabric of your choosing. You’ll see a lot of their work in Martha Stewart Weddings magazine.

Other accessories to dress up his look include: Colorful or patterned socks (you've seen the shoe/sock shot in a lot of real weddings), great shoes and cufflinks.  All of these items can be worn after the wedding and the cufflinks can be a great gift you or parents can gift the groom.

I’d skip a suit in a wild color -- remember the powdered blue ones from the ‘70s -- because you want your pictures to look timeless.

Should the Groom’s Cake Be a Surprise for the Groom Or Should He Be Involved With the Design?

Some brides like to surprise their grooms with a themed cake, while others want to include the groom in every wedding detail.

If your groom has no idea what a groom’s cake is there’s a great opportunity to make it a complete surprise. The groom’s cake can be any design - tiers or a theme - and the groom’s favorite flavor. Traditionally it’s a chocolate cake.

Talk to your baker about your ideas and the budget for the groom’s cake. If the price of the cake is out of your budget you may want to bring the groom into the discussion, otherwise he may wonder what those additional funds were used for.

The groom’s cake can be on display throughout the reception or you can have the maitre d bring it out at a specific moment. You can also tell the band or DJ to play a certain song.

Lingerie for Him - Why Not?

Well maybe not something made of lace but satin PJs might be nice.  So many wedding night and honeymoon stories focus on what they bride should (or shouldn't) wear but why can't the groom get dressed in something sexy too?

Either on your wedding night or the night before when you and your groom exchange wedding gifts give him something that you would like to see him wear the night of your wedding.  You can buy him a pair of silk boxer shorts or satin pajamas or a thong if you'd prefer.

And if you really want to get down to details, treat him to a trip to the spa for a mani/pedi and even a wax before the big day.  You can make it a date where each of you get a full body treatment.

Asking Dad for Permission

I don't know why but I was thinking about the TV show Little House on the Prairie this evening and I thought, "I have to do a blog post, is there something from Little House that could inspire me." And of course there was!

I don't know how familiar you are with the series but Laura falls in love with Almonzo who is several years older than her and finally, he falls in love with her and wants to marry her.  Before they can marry he has to get her Pa's permission.  Manly, as she calls him, asks Mr. Ingalls if he can marry his daughter and he says yes but they have to wait two years till she's 16 or 18 - I forget which one.

Anyway, Manly says that he doesn't want to wait and leaves Walnut Grove.  Very long story short, Mr. Ingalls finally says they only have to wait a year.

It's an outdated tradition to have your father's permission to marry and I think most grooms won't ask dad for his permission but rather his blessing.  I think my dad was a little upset that Dave didn't talk to him before proposing because once he said something under his breath.  Maybe I should have told Dave that he should talk to my dad before proposing because it didn't occur to him to do that.

If you think your dad would like to be "asked" before you get engaged make sure to say something to your future groom, and if you're already engaged and he didn't talk to your dad, maybe your groom can take the initiative and plan an outing with your dad so the two of them can get to know each other better.

Don't Forget the Groom

Remember that without the groom you wouldn't even be planning this wedding. Though he may think his role is pretty much over after he gave you that beautiful ring, it doesn't have to be and it's up to you to have him involved in your wedding plans.

The Engaged Groom by Doug Gordon is the perfect engagement gift for you to give your fiance. It will fill him in on the dos and don'ts of wedding planning that you've been reading up on in all of those wedding magazines.

Monogrammed Cuffs

When selecting gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, you want to pick something that, unlike the bridesmaid dress, they will be able to use again. Choosing a personalized item shows that you put a lot of thought into the gift.

Red Envelope offers a wide selection of bridal party gifts, including many which can be monogrammed. The initial cufflinks pictured here are perfect for groomsmen. They can be worn not only at your wedding, but at any occasion where he will be wearing a French-cuff shirt.