Officiants: Make Sure He or She Can Legally Marry You

When my aunt was married in 1985 she hired a Justice of the Peace to be their officiant.  The wedding was in Suffolk County, Long Island.  After the officiant arrived for the ceremony he notified the couple that he wasn't licensed to marry them in Suffolk County, only Nassau County.

After their ceremony at the catering hall my aunt, new uncle and two witnesses got in a car and drove to the county line on the Long Island Expressway.  They pulled over to the side of the road and in the car the Justice of the Peace redid the ceremony - making their marriage legal.

It's very important to confirm that your officiant can legally marry you.  If you're not sure what the laws are in the state, or country if it's a destination wedding,  you are getting married in then contact the local government office.  Each state, and I'm assuming many countries, will have marriage license laws listed on their official website so it shouldn't be difficult to find.

Also, if you are having a friend or relative marry you confirm that they have been ordained through a ministry - online or off - that the state (or country) recognize.

Having a Friend Officiate Your Wedding Ceremony

A news story came out late today that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner was getting married this weekend and the officiant will be former President Bill Clinton.  The bride is Huma Abedin has been an aide to Secretary of State Clinton for several years.

Since the groom is Jewish and the bride is Muslim I'm sure they had several discussions on whether they should have a rabbi and/or an Imam or they could go the secular route and have a judge or Justice of the Peace, but no, they went with former President Clinton.

Honestly I think it's great but I don't know if it's legal.  He's not an ordained minister or a New York State public official.  And marriage laws are governed by the states so I don't think there's an overriding federal marriage officiating law that gives presidents - past or present - the authority to perform a marriage ceremony.

Can you imagine if it came out that he was ordained online to perform weddings - maybe his fee goes to charity?

If you're thinking of having a friend or relative officiate your ceremony, I would double check the laws of your state since every state's marriage laws are different and confirm that the place where he or she is getting ordained is legitimate.

And once you confirmed that it's legal I would sit with your officiant and discuss your wedding ceremony, just like you would with a priest, rabbi or Imam.  Talk about the format and how you want it to be personalized.  Don't let your friend wing it, especially if it's his or her first wedding.

How to Find Your Officiant and Not a Guy Who Will Get Drunk at the Open Bar

Someone just told me a story about an officiant at their friend's wedding.  Neither family knew someone in the area so they went online and found an officiant, interviewed him and hired him.

Before the ceremony he did a few shots with the groom and groomsmen and by the time the ceremony came around it was clear that he was, as my grandma would say, inebriated.  He slurred his speech, forgot to say words and phrases that are common in a wedding ceremony and was caught be all staring at the bride's decolletage.  He even forgot to sign the marriage license and had to go to the brunch the next day to make sure it was signed by all. 

I know it's easy to get caught up in all the wedding details - flowers, wedding cake, favors - but the most important part of your wedding is the ceremony.  That is the part that joins the two of you together and unfortunately it is often overlooked.

If you don't have a priest, rabbi or judge that you or your groom, or your parents, personally know then ask friends and relatives who married them.  I wouldn't take a chance just calling someone because you like their Web site.