My Mother-in-Law Keeps Mentioning I Can’t Wear Strapless for the Ceremony, But the Church Hasn’t Said Anything. What Do I Wear?

I would check with both your officant and the wedding manager at the church (person you booked the wedding through) to find out what the policy is. Some houses of worship have strict policies on how much skin you can bare -- shoulders covered, capped sleeves, sleeves to the elbow, sleeves to the wrist. You don’t want to show up on your wedding day and be turned away...it could happen.

If you’d prefer to show more skin than the venue allows, talk to the bridal salon where you bought your dress about cover-up options for the ceremony -- options that can be easily removed for formal photos and the reception.

As for your mother-in-law: If it turns out the church doesn’t have as strict a policy as she does/wishes, it’s your wedding so wear what you want to wear and don't talk about your wedding dress in front of her. On the big day she'll be too busy greeting her guests that she probably won't notice or mention your neckline.

Do We Have to Walk Down the Aisle?

It’s tradition but if you don’t feel like it then don’t do it. Talk to your officiant and ceremony venue manager about other options based on the location -- is there a side entrance near the altar you can walk in from? Is there a trap door you can pop out of? (I'm kidding, unless of course you're into theatrics.)

I would also ask yourself what is it about walking down the aisle you don’t like or want to avoid. If it’s the attention then skip the wedding and elope because as the bride (and groom) all eyes will be on you all night long.

There are ways to make the processional simpler: skip the large bridal party, don’t adorn the aisle with a lot of decor, play a light song.

As for walking up the aisle after the ceremony I would do it and not slink out the side door. Your guests want to celebrate this wonderful moment with you so take your time making your way up the aisle and acknowledge their cheers and best wishes.

Do We Need to Provide Ceremony Seating? We Want a Really Casual Ceremony Setting Where Our Guests Stand Around Us.

You should provide some seating for your guests, especially if a number of them are older (think grandparents' age), pregnant or children. Mark these chairs as reserved so an able-bodied adult doesn't take a seat from granny.

You may even want to assign an usher or two to guard the chairs and escort guests to their seats to ensure that they know they’re there for them.

Setting the Ceremony Time

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and the invite read 5pm so we got there at 5:20.  We missed half the ceremony!  Of course we felt bad and the truth is the couple didn't notice, but we were surprised that the wedding actually started at 5pm on the dot.  All of the weddings we've ever been to started about 30 minutes after the invitation time.  During that half hour guests will mingle, have some water or champagne and find a seat for the ceremony.

Talk to your ceremony location regarding exactly when the ceremony will begin.  Does it have to start on the dot because there's another wedding behind yours or is there some wiggle room?  And then talk to your parents and his -- they'll know if their relatives and friends are used to a window of time before the ceremony or if they're used to a wedding starting exactly at the time listed on the invitation.

I remember a wedding in college that started over an hour late because most of the guests didn't arrive until an hour after the invite time.  And then there was another wedding where the bride knew her guests had a tendency to arrive late by an hour or more so she added the word "promptly" to the invitation time so those guests would arrive on time.  It worked.

Officiants: Make Sure He or She Can Legally Marry You

When my aunt was married in 1985 she hired a Justice of the Peace to be their officiant.  The wedding was in Suffolk County, Long Island.  After the officiant arrived for the ceremony he notified the couple that he wasn't licensed to marry them in Suffolk County, only Nassau County.

After their ceremony at the catering hall my aunt, new uncle and two witnesses got in a car and drove to the county line on the Long Island Expressway.  They pulled over to the side of the road and in the car the Justice of the Peace redid the ceremony - making their marriage legal.

It's very important to confirm that your officiant can legally marry you.  If you're not sure what the laws are in the state, or country if it's a destination wedding,  you are getting married in then contact the local government office.  Each state, and I'm assuming many countries, will have marriage license laws listed on their official website so it shouldn't be difficult to find.

Also, if you are having a friend or relative marry you confirm that they have been ordained through a ministry - online or off - that the state (or country) recognize.

Having a Friend Officiate Your Wedding Ceremony

A news story came out late today that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner was getting married this weekend and the officiant will be former President Bill Clinton.  The bride is Huma Abedin has been an aide to Secretary of State Clinton for several years.

Since the groom is Jewish and the bride is Muslim I'm sure they had several discussions on whether they should have a rabbi and/or an Imam or they could go the secular route and have a judge or Justice of the Peace, but no, they went with former President Clinton.

Honestly I think it's great but I don't know if it's legal.  He's not an ordained minister or a New York State public official.  And marriage laws are governed by the states so I don't think there's an overriding federal marriage officiating law that gives presidents - past or present - the authority to perform a marriage ceremony.

Can you imagine if it came out that he was ordained online to perform weddings - maybe his fee goes to charity?

If you're thinking of having a friend or relative officiate your ceremony, I would double check the laws of your state since every state's marriage laws are different and confirm that the place where he or she is getting ordained is legitimate.

And once you confirmed that it's legal I would sit with your officiant and discuss your wedding ceremony, just like you would with a priest, rabbi or Imam.  Talk about the format and how you want it to be personalized.  Don't let your friend wing it, especially if it's his or her first wedding.

How to Find Your Officiant and Not a Guy Who Will Get Drunk at the Open Bar

Someone just told me a story about an officiant at their friend's wedding.  Neither family knew someone in the area so they went online and found an officiant, interviewed him and hired him.

Before the ceremony he did a few shots with the groom and groomsmen and by the time the ceremony came around it was clear that he was, as my grandma would say, inebriated.  He slurred his speech, forgot to say words and phrases that are common in a wedding ceremony and was caught be all staring at the bride's decolletage.  He even forgot to sign the marriage license and had to go to the brunch the next day to make sure it was signed by all. 

I know it's easy to get caught up in all the wedding details - flowers, wedding cake, favors - but the most important part of your wedding is the ceremony.  That is the part that joins the two of you together and unfortunately it is often overlooked.

If you don't have a priest, rabbi or judge that you or your groom, or your parents, personally know then ask friends and relatives who married them.  I wouldn't take a chance just calling someone because you like their Web site.

My Eyes! My Eyes!

I think I'm on the computer way too much and the fact that I work on a Web site doesn't help my situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job and can't imagine life with out computers, but my eyes are killing me and I think it's the glare from the screen.  And since I like to turn everything into a wedding planing tip, here's one re: glare.

If you're getting married outdoors - whether it's just the ceremony or reception or both - check which way the sun hits the location at the time of your wedding.  And not just when the sun is setting if you're going to be outdoors during the day.

In addition to making sure your photographer knows where the sun will be to ensure that you get great pictures, it's important to arrange the ceremony seating and reception layout in such away so that your guests aren't squinting or holding their hand like a visor over their eyes.

Simply ask the location manager what he or she recommends and if possible (and definitely as a Plan B) have a tent installed to protect everyone and the food from the heat and glare of the sun.  You can leave the tent flaps up if it's a beautiful day, and if it does get a bit windy you can let the flaps down to keep the chill away.

And by the way, the reason my eyes are so bad today is because I found a great first dance video online and I watched it several times and then showed it to a bunch of people at the office.  This couple arranged for KISS to interrupt their first dance in a very creative and funny way.

It's Okay to Update Your Facebook Status After the Wedding

Did you see this YouTube Clip about the groom who updated his facebook status from "engaged" to "married" right after he recited his vows—while they were still standing at the altar? I think this is hysterical, though I wouldn't like to see it become a trend. At one point he gives the bride her iPhone so she can update her status too.

I think it's great for a laugh and a funny wedding moment they (and now the world) will remember but please leave your cell phone, pager, blackberry and iPhone in the bridal suite that you get ready in. Or if you are worried it may get stoles give it to a close family member or friend who is a guest at the wedding and won't be part of the processional.

If you haven't seen the video of the "facebook groom" as he will probably be called here it is below:

A Brilliant Tip from Sarah at Brilliant Event Planning

I just got home from the Lion in the Sun event—which was so much fun—and I wanted to share with you one of the tips my co-panelists brought up.

Sarah from Brilliant Event Planning mentioned that you shouldn't wait until the last minute to write and print your programs. And she's right. You probably know your bridal party members and the outline for the ceremony long before your invitations even go out. All that's left is the songs in your processional and there's no reason that the ceremony playlist has to wait until the month before the wedding to be finalized.

You should start drafting the information that will be included in your wedding program: members of the bridal party, ceremony order (with or without descriptions) a thank you to your parents and any other important information—readings, psalms or mentioning a charitable donation—about four months before the wedding so you have time to make revisions and have them printed. You also want to decide on the format: bound booklet, folded paper or printed on a fan. You can even have your program coordinate with your invitation and discuss ideas when ordering your invites. And don't forget that the more elaborate the design, the more time it will take you to put them together.

The Ceremony Toss

It's common to toss petals, birdseed or blow bubbles as the newlyweds leave the ceremony. Many of you may remember that rice was originally tossed, a traditional symbol of prosperity, but since learning that rice is harmful to birds, many couples provide birdseed for guests to toss instead.

When deciding what you want your guests to toss, think about the season or theme of your wedding. For a spring wedding have guests toss petals or flower heads with the stems cut off. In the summertime hand out sparklers and matches. Colorful autumn leaves are perfect for a fall ceremony, and you can make your own (paper) snowflakes for a winter wedding.

In lieu of a traditional toss, you can supply small bells for guests to ring, bubbles to blow or streamers and flags for them to wave. Whatever you decide to use, place them in paper cones or glassine envelopes, and have them distributed to guests as they enter the ceremony site.

You can personalize the toss holder by sealing them with a monogrammed sticker or write a note explaining to guests what they should do with the package - to toss them while you make your way up the aisle or hold onto them until you leave the ceremony site.

Your Officiant Can Help You Make It Personal

I was talking to Elayne Fluker, the Managing Editor at Brides.com, about a wedding she recently attended and she commented that it was the nicest ceremony she had ever been to. The officiant was not religious and took time in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding to meet with the couple on several occasions and really get to know them.

During the ceremony, she incorporated members of their family and friends into the ceremony, even having all of the guests in attendance announce them “husband and wife” at the end.

While most of the planning elements will revolve around the reception, it is important to remember that it is the fact you are getting married that is truly important. The ceremony should not be an afterthought.

If your officiant has known you or your fiancé (and the respective family) for years than it should be easy for him or her to incorporate personal details into the ceremony. But if the officiant is not that familiar with either of you, schedule a few appointments with him or her and share the story of how you met and fell in love. It’s okay to ask the officiant how they run a wedding ceremony – what they include, what they don’t – and be open about what the two of you want to include and what you don’t. Take the time to plan the details of the ceremony just as carefully as you’re planning the details of your reception.

Dancing Down the Aisle

I've heard of "Dancing on the Ceiling" but one recently wed couple had their bridal party dance down the aisle. I thought this was a great way to personalize your wedding, as long as the member of the bridal party are not afraid to boogie their way to the altar.

It's always a good idea to make sure all bridesmaids, groomsmen and any other family members, such as parents, grandparents and of course kids feel comfortable and you might want to rehearse with everyone a few days before so everyone knows the music and can get some idea of what moves they'll use.

Dave found the YouTube clip, so here it is:




If the video doesn't play for you, click here to see it on ABCNews.com.

Practice Makes Perfect

I’ve been to dozens of weddings over the years and it always amazes me when a groom or bride doesn't know what to do during the ceremony.

I’ve seen grooms come down the aisle and not know where to stand. I’ve seen brides not sure what to do when they get to the end of the aisle—await the groom to get her or walk alone to the altar. And in Jewish ceremonies where the bride is going to walk around the groom seven times I’ve seen grooms actually try to follow her in a circle because he didn’t know what to do. (He just stands still.)

This is why it’s important to have a rehearsal either the day before the wedding day (and before the rehearsal dinner) or before the guests arrive on the big day. Your officiant should go over with both of you what will happen during the ceremony including, what he or she will say, the order of the ceremony—blessings, drinking wine, readings—where everyone stands, etc…

Your wedding is not a dress rehearsal. It’s the live show and you don’t get a do over once the music is cued. A rehearsal should not cost you any money and it will truly help you understand what to expect so you’re not caught off guard or embarrassed in front of your guests.

And don't be embarrassed to ask for a rehearsal with your officiant either. He or she shouldn't have any problems going over the service with you. If they do, that's a problem.

Wedding Ceremony Processional Music Tip

When choosing music for your ceremony processional, it's important to ask your house of worship if there are any limits on what you can and can't have played. Some churches and synagogues will only allow specific religious songs played.

If you are not limited in your music choices, talk to the musicians you hired about your options.

You can choose a theme so that all the songs are related to another - love songs, the same artist, show tunes (that's what we did and it turns out my parents also chose show tunes). And remember to select songs that have a special meaning to you or the people that are walking down to them. At my sister’s wedding I walked down to the theme from Gone With the Wind because I’m a huge GWTW fan.

There are tons of wedding web sites that have ceremony processional song ideas, but you can really use anything you like. My brother-in-law walked down the aisle at his wedding to the theme from Rocky.

So think outside the music box and be creative with your processional choices. And definitely choose a fun song for your recessional too!

Don't Flub Your Wedding Vows

Since the news of the day was all about the inauguration, I came across an interesting bit of info that relates to yesterday’s blog post.

According to the TODAY show, Justice Roberts did not have notes with him when he administered the oath to President Obama and tried to say the words by heart. As we all know, Justice Roberts mixed up some of the words. The oath is 35 words long and while not as long as President Obama’s speech (18 minutes), Justice Roberts could have easily have a card with the words on it just in case. And no one would have thought any less of him for it.

So, for today’s tip: Whether you are reciting your own vows and/or making a speech at your wedding, I highly recommend having the words on index cards for you to use as a reference. Your wedding is an emotional time and no one – not even your groom – will hold it against you if you refer to a card with the words on them. It will make you feel more comfortable knowing that they’re there and if you don't need them great, but if you do, you'll be glad they are available.

Wondering where you'd put them? Ask your maid-of-honor or officiant to hold them and pass them to you right before you recite your vows.

When Words Get in the Way

I was watching the inauguration today and when Justice Roberts was swearing in President Obama I noticed that there was a flub in the words. It turns out that Justice Roberts switched some of the words in the oath. The President noticed the mistake but still recited them the way Justice Roberts said them. I think then Justice Roberts corrected himself and President Obama recited them in the correct order. And of course, this made me think of a great wedding tip for your ceremony.

Remember the story I told you of how at my sister’s wedding, the Rabbi mentioned our grandparents: Jerry and Ruth. Phil and Leonard! My grandmother’s name is Leonora.

While the immediate family members noticed the mistake, most people didn’t. If your officiant makes a mistake during the ceremony, let it go. Most people will not notice it and you’ll end up embarrassing your officiant and bringing greater attention to the error - that most people didn't notice to begin with. Even Princess Diana, when reciting her vows to Prince Charles mixed up the order of his names – I think he has about half a dozen.

To this day - almost six years later - we sometimes tease Grammy and call her Leonard and it's a great family joke/story.

Ceremony Traditions

When it comes to weddings there are a lot of traditions brides and grooms include in the ceremony and reception - wearing something old, new, borrowed and blue, breaking the glass and tossing the bouquet are just a few well-known ones.

While planning your wedding spend some time researching - in books or online - different secular and religious traditions and talk to your fiance about which ones you should include. You can talk to your officiant about religious traditions and your parents can tell you about family traditions. You can also explore other religious and cultural backgrounds for ideas.

You can also create your own tradition. Either add your own personal twist to something you've read about or create a brand new one that you can pass down to your children.

Here's an example of a tradition with a twist: At some Jewish weddings, the bride will walk around the groom seven times at the beginning of the ceremony. I've seen couples switch it up and have the bride walk around the groom three times and then the groom walk around the bride three times.

Remember it's your wedding day and you should customize and personalize the details to suit your personalities.

Wedding Blog: Brooklyn Bride

Being a Brooklynite I was immediately attracted to the fabulous wedding planning blog, Brooklyn Bride. The blog, written by recent bride and fellow Brooklynite, Vane, is filled with inspiration from real weddings as well as information on modern planning products and talented vendors.

Today I received an email that Vane has opened up a shop.   Bklynpillow sells fabulous ring pillows. You can order one to match your color scheme and they’re the perfect way to add a personal detail to your ceremony. Click here to see the complete collection.

Of course I'm partial to the purple one.

Here Comes the Bride

When selecting music for your ceremony processional, think outside the music box. There is no rule that the bride must walk down the aisle to Here Comes the Bride.

You and your fiancé should pick songs that mean something to you, and reflect your relationship. You can choose all love songs, songs by your favorite musician or you can select a potpourri of songs just because you like them.

Curtis Music, based in the New York Metro area will work with you to ensure that you choose beautiful songs for your walk down the aisle. You may also want to choose songs to be played before the ceremony while your guests are being seated, as well as songs to be played during cocktail hour. If you are having dinner before dancing, Curtis Music can play background music while you and your guests enjoy their dinner.

Wedding Tip - If you are getting married in a house of worship make sure non-religious music is allowed to be played in the sanctuary.