I’m not having a big wedding but I want to invite a lot of people to my bridal shower. Can I?

Yes and no. Technically if someone gets invited to the bridal shower they also get invited to the wedding, but if you're having a small destination wedding or it’s well known that your wedding, held locally, will be limited to immediate family you can have a bridal shower with uninvited wedding guests.

It’s not appropriate for a bride to host her own shower so have your closest friends, or your mom or his, host it in your honor.  It is common for his mom to host the bridal shower if she lives in another area and the guests are her friends and relatives.  The mother of the bride should be invited too.

Also, if you’re having a small wedding and want a bachelorette party you can have one. And unlike a bridal shower, the bride can host her own bachelorette party.

What If You Don't Have Bridesmaids?

Some brides may decide that they don't want to have bridesmaids, but then wonder who will plan their shower and bachelorette party.  Should the bride plan them herself?

For the bridal shower I would suggest that a bride doesn't plan her own but her mother, the groom's mother or the bride's friends can host the party.  And I know etiquette says that mom shouldn't plan the shower but it's okay if she does.  No one is going to think anything negative about it.  Or your mom, his mom and your friends can all contribute different elements to a shower in your honor.

For the bachelorette party it's perfectly acceptable for a bride to plan it herself, but you have to decide if you're paying for the evening's activities or if you're going to have everyone split the bill.  If you're planning the party, but don't want to foot the whole bill, make sure to tell your friends that you expect them to pay their own way so they don't assume that you're covering everything.

Bachelor and Bachelorette Party Scheduling Tip

I recently watched The Hangover, about a bachelor party gone horribly wrong. Anyway, I wanted to share a related tip that I think is very important.

Don’t plan a bachelor or bachelorette party the week, and especially the day or two, before the wedding. Unlike the film, I don’t think the groom or bride will disappear and possibly miss the wedding, but it’s possible that a flight can be delayed, someone can get a horrible hangover and be sick on the wedding day, someone could get in a fight or land in the hospital.

The week of the wedding is a very busy time putting the final details together and preparing for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, post-wedding brunch and the honeymoon, so plan your bachelor and bachelorette parties a few weeks or even months before the wedding so that you have time to recover before the big day.

Don't Force a Veil on the Bride at Her Shower or Bachelorette Party

When bridesmaids are planning your bridal shower and bachelorette party as the bride you have to let them know if you do or don't want certain elements included.

The bridal shower and bachelorette party are both thrown in honor of the bride so they are not under her watchful planning and style eye like the wedding.  While I don't want to suggest you bully your bridal party into planning the exact party you want, especially if they can't afford it, I am saying that it's okay to give hints on the type of party you'd like and the type of party and details you detest.

Planning a Bachelorette Party the Bride Wants

Not every bride wants to go to see a stripper at her bachelorette party.  In fact I've only been to one bachelorette party where there was one.

While the bachelorette party details can be a surprise, they don't have to be. And in fact I suggest talking to the bride about what she does and doesn't want for her bachelorette party.

Maybe she wants to go to a spa and dinner.  Maybe she wants to have an old-fashioned slumber party.  Or maybe she wants to get wasted and see some male strippers.  You won't know until you ask or she tells you what she does and doesn't want.

And as for the guest list, you should double check with her on who to invite.  She may prefer to keep it to just the bridesmaids or she may want a larger group.  She may want her mom there or she may not.

The bachelorette party, like the bridal shower, are hosted by the bridesmaids and thrown in honor of the bride but that doesn't mean the bride shouldn't have any input.  The worst thing the bridesmaids can do is plan a party that the bride would be uncomfortable at.

Bachelorette Party Props - Sometimes They're Just Gross

I was talking to someone today about a bachelorette party she was going to this weekend.  I told her about the bachelorette party prop story we just published on aisledash and she said that they needed to get penis straws and other phallic accessories.

At my bachelorette party (7 years ago) my friends got me a bunch of these x-rated party props and I have to say, they're really cheesy and gross.  I'd much rather my friends not waste their money on these items and if you are going to buy party props why not spend it on a fun (and inexpensive) tiara or bachelorette sash.

What do you think?