Who Gets Invited to the Post-Wedding Brunch?

The bridal party and your immediate families should receive an invite and so should guests who have travelled from out of town. When you know there are guests staying at a local hotel the night of your wedding I recommend inviting them to the post-wedding brunch. It’s the polite thing to do.

If somehow they find out there’s a brunch and they weren’t invited they may be insulted and now you’ve turned the wonderful memory of your wedding into an awkward/uncomforable situation.

Bachelor and Bachelorette Party Scheduling Tip

I recently watched The Hangover, about a bachelor party gone horribly wrong. Anyway, I wanted to share a related tip that I think is very important.

Don’t plan a bachelor or bachelorette party the week, and especially the day or two, before the wedding. Unlike the film, I don’t think the groom or bride will disappear and possibly miss the wedding, but it’s possible that a flight can be delayed, someone can get a horrible hangover and be sick on the wedding day, someone could get in a fight or land in the hospital.

The week of the wedding is a very busy time putting the final details together and preparing for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, post-wedding brunch and the honeymoon, so plan your bachelor and bachelorette parties a few weeks or even months before the wedding so that you have time to recover before the big day.

Post-Wedding Brunch Idea

I was at an event this evening at Landmarc, a great restaurant at the Time Warner Center in New York City.  As I was chatting with the event manager he mentioned that a lot of couples host their pre-wedding parties at the space and then he mentioned an idea for the post-wedding brunch.

Why limit the time you have the morning after your wedding from 10-12 when most guests, as well as the bride and groom, maybe sleeping in late after your reception and after party, and possibly fighting a hangover.

Make your post-wedding brunch open house style and serve a breakfast/luncheon buffet so guests can come and go as they please and you will have a leisurely time visiting with them.

Hostess Gift Tip

I went to a holiday party tonight hosted by Colin Cowie for members of the B-List and brought two bottles of champagne as a gift from the bloggers.

I knew well enough not to show up with the bottles in a plastic grocery bag but I was mortified when I realized that I had forgotten to remove the price sticker from each bottle.

Vane from Brooklyn Bride and I quickly scraped as much as we could of the sticker off the bottle, but I still felt horrible that the sticker was there to begin with.

So before you enter the home of someone throwing a party remember to remove any price tags or stickers or other items that you don't want them to see on your hostess gift.

A Bridesmaid Luncheon or Tea Party

You may have read about a bridesmaid luncheon or tea in a wedding planning book but I don't think I know anyone who planned or attended one.

A bridesmaid luncheon or tea is a party the bride hosts in honor of her bridesmaids as a thank you for being her support system while planning her wedding.  When I was planning my wedding I decided to host a tea party for my 'maids.  Unfortunately things got busy between planning my sister's shower and wedding and my wedding within a few months of each other - and my grandfather passing in between - that I decided to cancel the bridesmaid tea.

But if you can swing it it's a nice way to spend non-wedding planning time with your closest friends.  And if tea isn't your thing you can make it a day at the spa or another outing but make it something about your girls and not your wedding.

This party may also be a good time to hand out bridesmaid thank you gifts, especially if the gift is something they can wear or use at the wedding.

You Don't Invite People to the Shower If They're Not Invited to the Wedding

A friend of mine just got an invitation to a bridal shower, but she doesn't think she'll be invited to the wedding.  My immediate reaction was of course you'll be invited to the wedding -- you can't get invited to the shower if you're not invited to the wedding.

To which her husband replied, "Really?  I don't think people know that."

Well, now they do.  You don't invite people to a bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding.

However, there are exceptions:

1 - You eloped and the shower is post-ceremony.
2 - Your office threw the shower and they know they're not invited to the wedding.
3 - You are having a very small wedding but your mom wants to throw a shower for you with her closest friends.
4 - Same as above but this time it's your fiance's mother.

Any questions?

Wedding Do: Put Bridal Registry Information in Shower Invitation

A colleague asked me the other day where she should get a bridal shower gift for a bride when there isn't registry information included in the shower invite.  I told her that when she RSVPs she should ask the host where the bride is registered.  If for some reason the host isn't sure than she can either ask the groom - since he'll know and you won't ruin the surprise by talking to him - or check out the couple's wedding website.

Technically it's not proper to include gifting information in an invitation - that's why you don't include it in a wedding invite - but I think that a shower is different.  Simply speaking it's expected that guests will bring gifts.  The whole point is to "shower the bride" with items to use in her married home.

So don't be afraid to include information on the bridal shower invite or the insert cards provided by the stores the couple registers at.  You'll save your guests and yourself a lot of trouble by making it easy for them to shop.

And as for my colleague, I told her if the couple wasn't registered anywhere than she would be safe with a product or gift certificate to a chain store that takes returns and exchanges easily in case the bride doesn't want or need her gift.  And if it's a gift card that she buys, make sure it's from a store with a large selection of products, such as Bloomingdale's, Target or Williams-Sonoma.

Bridal Shower Reminder

Don't forget that you should re-register for gifts about 2-4 weeks before your bridal shower.  Now if your shower is a surprise then make it 3-4 months before the wedding date.

The reason you want to re-register, and you'll want to re-register about a month before the wedding too, is to ensure that your guests will have items to choose from.  Your originally registry may have been purchased as engagement gifts and some items may no longer be available.  Remember that seasonal items (holiday, summer) are only available for a limited time.

Don't Forget to Check the Calendar for Scheduling Conflicts

I checked my calendar for the week this afternoon and noticed that I made dinner plans tomorrow night with some blogger friends and immediately emailed them that I couldn't make dinner because tomorrow is the 2nd night of Passover.

Since Passover wasn't marked in my calendar it didn't register when I added my dinner plans.

While you probably double and triple checked your wedding date for holidays and personal and business conflicts, have you also checked dates of ancillary wedding events? Rehearsal dinner, post-wedding brunch, showers, bridesmaid luncheon, engagement parties - all of these events are important to you and your fiance so check the calendar to confirm that there are no conflicts.

You don't want to have to reschedule your event or not have all of your guests attend due to scheduling conflict.

Bachelorette Party Props - Sometimes They're Just Gross

I was talking to someone today about a bachelorette party she was going to this weekend.  I told her about the bachelorette party prop story we just published on aisledash and she said that they needed to get penis straws and other phallic accessories.

At my bachelorette party (7 years ago) my friends got me a bunch of these x-rated party props and I have to say, they're really cheesy and gross.  I'd much rather my friends not waste their money on these items and if you are going to buy party props why not spend it on a fun (and inexpensive) tiara or bachelorette sash.

What do you think?

Wedding Inspiration from the Muppets

I have no idea why the theme song to The Muppet Show is in my head, but I've been humming it all day and now that I'm home I've been singing it. I'm trying to think if there's a wedding tip in this and there are two things that I came up with.

1 - Inspiration. Think back to your childhood because there could be something from those years that inspires you. If you were the type of little girl who dreamed of her wedding day think back to what those dreams were. Did you always imagine walking down to the aisle to a particular song? What did the flowers and cake look like? What did you dance to with your dad? Was there something you remember from a wedding you attended as a child that you always wanted to do for your wedding? Inspiration can come from anywhere! Even from the Muppets.

2 - Music. One of my favorite songs about weddings is from the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan and it's sung by every character: Somebody's Getting Married. It's just one of those songs that make you smile. I made a CD of wedding-themed songs and played it while we were getting ready. The other songs on the disc were Going to the Chapel, With This Ring, Get Me to the Church on Time and The Boy I'm Gonna Marry.  I made a similar CD of shower-type songs for my sister's shower that we played while guests arrived.  I just thing it's a fun way to add to all the excitement.

Do I Have to Send a Bridal Shower Gift if I Can't Make It?

I was talking to a friend who was invited to a bridal shower that she couldn't attend and was wondering if she had to send a gift. My answer was no she doesn't.

Unlike a wedding where you should send a gift if you were invited but can't make it, for a bridal shower and engagement party you don't have to send a gift if you won't be attending the party.

While you don't have to send a gift, of course you can if you want to or you can go in on a group gift just make sure your name is on the card.

Bridal Shower Product Poems

My sister is planning a shower for next weekend and just email me for product poems for showers. Why she didn’t just go to Google I don’t know, but I did and one of the first links to pop up was an old post I write for iVillage Weddings. So I sent her that link and then realized she’s probably not the only one looking for these types of poems so here are some links to a few different versions of bridal shower product poems:

• Bliss Weddings Bridal Shower Poems


• Candle Poem


• Cleaning Products Poem - 2 versions

Remember that there are a lot of versions of each poem and you can customize them to fit the bride. If her name, or the groom's name, is the same as a product you can try to add it or if you have trouble finding a specific product just remove the line. For example, my brother-in-law's name is Scott so we added Scott toilet paper to the cleaning products poem. We couldn't find one of the candies mentioned so we just read the line without showing the product.

If you have a good poem please post it in the comments section or post the link to one that you like.

Ribbon Bouquets 101

As we checked into our hotel on Friday we walked past a bridal party off to the rehearsal. How do I know that’s where they were off to? Well, the bride was carrying a bouquet that looked like it was made at her bridal shower. It was all ribbons and bows and the cuff looked like paper plates.

Here are some tips on putting together a ribbon bouquet:
1. Have three (3) paper plates stapled/taped together in the shape of a triangle and cut out a whole in the center.
2. Bring the following supplies to the shower: scissors, stapler and staples, tape and extra ribbon
3. Assign one bridesmaid or close friend to collect the ribbons as the gifts are unwrapped and attach them to the plates.
4. Use the scissor to add an extra curl to the straight ribbons

5.  Feed longer ribbons through the center hole to be used as a handle

If you're thinking of tossing a bouquet at the wedding, save money on a tossing bouquet and simply toss the ribbon one from your shower.

Penis Bridal Shower Favors Aren't for Everyone

A cousin of mine just told me that she attended a bridal shower a few weeks back where the favors were pink-colored chocolate penis pops (see photo above).  In addition to the x-rated pops, the entertainment included a stripper.  The guest list included friends of the bride as well as her family and the groom's family.  That includes moms and grandmas.

I remember a story years ago of a friend who attended a bridal shower and one of the moms - the bride or groom's, I don't remember which - surprised the bride with a stripper at the bridal shower.

I personally would have been mortified if a stripper showed up at my shower, where my mom and grandmothers were present.

There's a difference between the shower and bachelorette party.  The bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts to furnish her new home with her husband.  The bachelorette party, like a bachelor party, is for the bride-to-be to celebrate her last night as a single gal with her best buds.

While of course it's up to you to decide what you want at either of these parties, not everyone wants a stripper at their shower or bachelorette.  Let the hosts of these parties know what you want.  After all their both parties in your honor.

PS - I am a fan of edible favors for weddings and showers so talk to your chocolatier about options that fit the party's theme or a wedding theme in general.

A Shower Gift From the Groom

This maybe something that only I think is appropriate but I’ve seen it at several showers and I really think it should be a staple at showers everywhere: The groom should give a gift to the bride.

It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift or even jewelry, but it can be something special that she opens at the shower, whether he’s there or not.

I’ve seen groom’s give lingerie or even an item from the registry that he knows she really wants. However registry gifts may backfire as it did in the ‘90s comedy Father of the Bride. Remember when Brian gave Annie a blender as a wedding gift and she interpreted the gift as his way of thinking that the wife belongs into the kitchen. His explanation was that she liked to make a certain type of drink that you need a blender for.

Anyway, if you don’t want to tell or suggest to your groom that he should or may want to buy a gift that you open at the shower you can have a relative or friend tell him that he should/may want to. You never want to tell him what to do but suggestions are almost always welcome.  I wouldn’t necessarily tell him or suggest to him what the exact gift should be. That I think is something you want him to think of all himself.

PS – It is traditional for the groom to get the bride a wedding gift and for the bride to get the groom a gift too. Many grooms will give their brides a piece of jewelry that they can wear at the wedding, such as earrings or a necklace, but you can both agree ahead of time that you are or aren't exchanging wedding gifts or put a cash limit on the gift.

I remember telling Dave that we don’t need to spend money on a gift but I did expect a card/note from him the morning of our wedding. I gave him a card/note too and I also made him a CD to listen to while he got ready that morning with some wedding-related songs. Our favorite, that he surprised me with a few months earlier, was Somebody’s Getting Married by the Muppets.

Here’s the video from The Muppet Movie, it’s in two parts:




Isn’t it cute?

Showers Require Planning Too

A friend just told me a story about a shower she not only attended but was involved in planning.  The bride's sister arranged for the party to be held at a friend's house and then asked other close friends of the bride to take care of decorations.

Too make a long story short, basically the sister didn't check what supplies were available at the house where the party was to be held, so when the women with the decor showed up to set up there were no tables or chairs or even a place to put the food - which by the way only half of the order showed up because the caterer said that was all that the sister ordered.

Anyway, my point is that planning a shower involves a lot of logistics: a place to hold it, seating for all the guests, including tables, decor (can be as limited or as extensive as you want), entertainment/activities and food for your guests.  It's obviously not as involved as a wedding is but whoever is hosting/planning a shower needs to make sure that the basics are available.  

It's okay to delegate responsibilities  to bridesmaids, moms and anyone else who offers to help but make sure that whoever is "in charge" is really overseeing all of the other tasks so that you don't have guests showing up with no place to sit.

I suggested that they could have thrown blankets or sheets on the floor and made it a picnic style party since the wedding will be outdoors on a farm, but the sister ended up driving by a garage sale a few blocks away on her way to the shower and after realizing they didn't have any place for guests to eat she drove back and picked up a table and chairs for the party.  

Preventing a Wedding Day Hangover

If you're looking for the perfect movie for date night then The Hangover is what you want to see.  This hilarious story of a bachelor party gone bad will have both you and your fiance rolling in the aisles.

Now since this film revolves around a wedding I watched it for both enjoyment and for blog research.  I don't want to give away anything so here's the one extremely important tip that I took away from it that you definitely want to follow: Do not have the bachelor/bachelorette party the night or two before the wedding, especially if it will be out of town.  In fact I would say the closest you should get to the wedding date would be the weekend before, but I recommend two weekends before.

You would think that most people would know not to have a wild night the day or two before the wedding.  Who wants to risk a hangover the morning of their wedding or worse, if you're planning an out-of-town party you could be delayed by traffic or a cancelled flight.  (Don't worry I didn't give anything away.)

While I'm pretty sure the crazy events that take place in The Hangover will not happen at your fiance's bachelor party, you don't really want to take a chance that the groom (and his groomsmen) may not make the wedding because of one wild night.

PS - I don't usually rate movies, but I have to say this one you definitely want to see.  

Get Creative: The Rehearsal Dinner

Dave and I went to a birthday party last night with a really fun theme: Wine and Candy Pairings.

The host selected City Winery, a new wine bar in Manhattan, and worked with the guests to choose some favorite candies of the birthday girl (or the guest) and had the restaurant pair the candy with a wine. We also enjoyed several appetizers/entrees with each pairing.

Our group was on the small size - 16 people - but I thought it would be fun for a rehearsal dinner. I think it would encourage interaction between the families, especially if you ask guests to get involved with the pairings and create a menu where people can see who picked what and why.

Your rehearsal dinner can be as creative as you want it to be. It doesn't have to be a sit-down meal only. You can have it at any location, serve any type of food and ask your guests to be part of the event. I've been to rehearsal dinners where the bride's brothers created a video montage of the bride through the years. I've seen dad's sing a song they wrote for their daughter or brother's/friends of the groom read a funny speech about the groom that you probably would not want read at your wedding reception.

So think outside the box when it comes to your rehearsal dinner and have a great time at it!


PS - Since we had a kosher wedding we couldn't serve pigs-in-a-blanket and since we couldn't have the wedding at my grandmother's house, which is where I really wanted it to be, we had a BBQ at Grandma's for our rehearsal dinner. We had burgers, dogs, fried chicken and my favorite sides. For dessert we served small servings of ice cream - the kind in the little cups with the wooden spoons. And my brother-in-law read a speech that I would have died if he read at the wedding. His best man's toast was great and afterwards he told me that he wrote the other one to freak me out. It worked.

Random Shower Planning Tip

Speaking of bridal showers, the bridesmaids are probably planning on putting together a ribbon bouquet or hat for the bride-to-be. The ribbons will come from the presents the bride receives at her shower. So when you’re wrapping a present – or having a store wrap one for you – remember to use ribbon and bows so the ‘maids have something to work with.

And if you are a bridesmaid, make sure to pick up extra ribbons and bows at a card shop so that you’ll have enough material to make a ribbon bouquet or hat for the bride.

The other supplies you’ll need are: paper plates, scissors, scotch tape and a stapler.