Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Assigning Roles

I was just talking to someone a few weeks ago and he told me that he wasn’t sure if he was a groomsman in an upcoming wedding. He said one night at a bar when he and the groom were drinking, the groom mentioned that he wanted his friend to be a groomsman at his upcoming wedding. And that was it. About six months went by and the guy heard nothing about the wedding – what to order or rent, when to save-the-date for the rehearsal – nothing.

Then an invitation to the bachelor party – a destination trip – came up and he was invited, but still no mention of being a groomsman.

About 2 weeks after the bachelor party and two weeks before the wedding he gets an email with the details of the tuxedo he needs to rent for the wedding. My friend rented the tux, attended the rehearsal and dinner and on the day of the wedding stood for formal portraits and at the altar as a dutifully groomsman, but I kept wondering if this is a common situation.

Shouldn’t the bride and groom make it crystal clear – when they’re sober – that they want a friend or relative in their bridal party? There’s some responsibility and a lot of expenses that going into this role and it’s not the type of thing you want to learn about at the last minute.

So my advice to brides and grooms: Make it very clear who you are asking to be in your bridal party and mention it several times over the course of your engagement. Even if you mention it in passing or in an email, it’s important to make sure there are no questions about them being included or not. You don’t want to risk a bridesmaid or groomsmen assuming they’re out because they haven’t heard from you in awhile and decide to make plans to go away on the weekend of your wedding.


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