Do We Have to Include the First and Last Name of a Guests’ Guest on the Wedding Invitation Envelope?

You should get the first and last name of every guest.  It’s not appropriate to put Mr. John Smith and Guest or as we recently received on an invitation, “& Spouse”. In the situation where it’s a married couple, Mr. & Mrs. Smith is fine -- unless of course the wife has a different last name or she has a professional title such as Dr., Hon. Or is in the armed services and then she would be listed first.

There’s nothing wrong with sending an email or calling a guest and asking for the correct spelling of everyone’s names or asking a guest brining a date you’e never met for his or her name.

Do We Have To Mail Wedding Invitations to our Parents and Bridal Party?

I would send wedding invitations to everyone who is invited to the wedding including your parents, the groom’s and the bridal party. In the case of the parents, you can ask them if they want a copy mailed to them. They may say that you don’t need to waste the postage, but they will probably want a complete wedding invite set as a keepsake.

For Our Wedding Ceremony, Do We Have to Stand With Our Backs to Our Guests?

Not at all.  There are a variety of seating arrangements available for guests -- circle and square layouts will allow guests to sit in a 360 degree arrangement, though some people would still see your back.

If your ceremony venue doesn’t allow you to reconfigure the chairs ask your officiant if when you get to the altar you can turn to face your guests and his back is to them. If you have a rather large train this may be difficult to maneuver so make sure your bridesmaids can help you.

A crazy idea would be to set up a large screen or two and have a video of the wedding ceremony livestreamed on them so guests can get a shot of you from all angles during the ceremony. But this is more like an award show, conference or sporting event set-up so I don’t know why I’m even suggesting it.

Don’t feel that your guests will think it’s rude to have your back to them.  That is the traditional and expected layout, but a unique front of view option is always welcome.

Do I Have to Buy a Plain and Diamond Wedding Band for the Wedding Ceremony?

Of course not.  You can buy one or both -- it’s entirely up to you.

Jewish ceremonies require a plain band, meaning one that is a complete circle and not “broken” with stones. But this doesn’t mean you have to buy them.  Many couples exchange their parents’ or grandparents’ rings and then slip on their “real” wedding bands after the ceremony.

If cost is the issue, I would suggest buying wedding bands that you can afford and save up for a diamond wedding band for a special anniversary -- like your 10th, 20th or 25th.

Do We Have to Have a Ring Bearer?

No you don’t have to have a ring bearer.  You can ask the best man to hold the rings or the groom can keep them in his pocket.

Even if you do have a ring bearer, no matter how old he is, he should carry fake rings and have the adults hold onto the real ones.

Wedding Gown Guidance from Mark Ingram

For the past ten years Mark Ingram has been dressing brides in fabulous gown at his Atelier on the East Side of Manhattan.  In honor of the Atelier's 10th anniversary I thought I'd recycle an old post from 2006 with his wedding gown shopping tips, because this advice never goes out of style:

1. It is important to have an actual wedding date and venue. Your sales consultant will help you select a gown that is perfect for your setting.

2. Bring tear sheets, photos and downloaded web images of styles of gowns you wish to try on. Our consultants will make additional style recommendations based on your initial conversation.

3. Before scheduling an appointment, make sure the salons you have selected feature gowns in your price range.

4. In general, limit your shopping companions to the one or two persons whose opinions mean the most.

The Mark Ingram Atelier is located at 110 East 55th Street, 8th Floor. They only work by appointment, so call them at 212-319-6778 to schedule one soon.

How Will I Know When I Find My Wedding Dress?

You know how you knew with the guy?  Well it kind of works the same way.  You’ll get this feeling that it’s “the one” but there are a few other signs you can look for:

1. You don’t want to take it off, ever.
2. After you leave the bridal salon you’re still thinking about it.
3. You try on other gowns but still want to put this one dress back on.
4. Your mom cried.
5. Your dad cried.
6. You cried.

It’s very important that you’re sure the dress you’re buying is the one you want because it's a very important purchase.  Wedding gowns can be expensive and there’s usually a "no returns" policy. 

If you still want to try on other wedding gowns even though you found one you like, I suggest you keep looking because once you found "the one" you’ll want to stop.

Do I Have to Choose a Bridesmaid Dress My Bridesmaids Approve Of Or Can I Just Pick What I Want Them to Wear?

Since they’re paying for them it would be nice of you to ask them to wear something they feel comfortable in. I know that it’s your big day but you don’t want to humiliate your closest friends and relatives, do you?  If this thought is based on the fact that you want to be the center of attention then don’t have any bridesmaids at all.

When shopping for dresses have a clear idea of what color and style you want and make sure as many of your bridesmaids are with you to try them on.  See what they look like and if they are comfortable in them -- can they easily walk, do they have the coverage they want or need, can they dance the night away with you and your new hubby?

Remember that the single gals could seek revenge on you when it’s your turn to be their ‘maid or they could all get back at you at the shower or bachelorette.

My Parents Are Hosting the Wedding and the Groom’s Have Offered to Host the Rehearsal Dinner. Should My Parents Send Them a Thank You Gift?

While it is a very generous thought your parents do not have to send the groom’s parents a thank you gift or note for hosting the rehearsal dinner.  Besides the fact that it is traditionally the groom’s parents responsibility, your marriage is just as much a celebration for them as it is for your family so it’s only right that they take part in hosting some of the festivities -- assuming that it won’t be a financial hardship.

If your mom and dad want to be involved they can offer to help with the rehearsal dinner details such as assisting with the entertainment by offering to make a toast and helping set-up decorations.

I Want My Niece, She’s 3, to Be My Flower Girl But Not to Stay for the Reception. How Do I Tell My Sister?

You just have to tell her, but it’s your decision whether you want to be sincere or demanding in your approach.

I would suggest to her that they hire a sitter to come to the wedding and watch their daughter in another room or bring her back home so that your sister and her husband can have a great time at the reception.  Here you’re showing her that you’re thinking of her and not your wedding.

The other option is to be blunt and tell your sister you're planning an adult-only reception and that she must find sitter coverage for her daughter.

Since people are very sensitive when it comes to issues regarding their children I would  offer to help find them a sitter if they need assistance or even offer to pay for the coverage if you think money is the deciding factor.

Will the Sex We Have On Our Wedding Night Be a Prelude to Our Married Sex Life?

Absolutely not. There are a number of reasons why sex on your wedding night may be anticlimactic, or not happen at all. You can read about them - and the 100+ comments by real people about their wedding night - in a story I wrote on wedding-night sex on The Huffington Post. Okay, this a shameless plug but if the the thought of bad wedding-night sex has crossed your mind check it out.

My Husband Just Received a Wedding Invitation for His Brother’s Wedding and My Name Wasn’t Included. Should We Say Something?

Definitely!  I would make a joke about it and they will probably say that it was a typo error by the calligrapher, which I’m sure it was.  If you don’t say anything and you think it was done on purpose then it’ll probably fester and become a larger issue and rift in the family.

If you just separated it’s possible that his family assumed you wouldn’t go to the wedding, and in that case it’s your soon to be ex-husband’s call.

My Mother Is Paying for My Flowers but I’d Rather Use Some of That Money on Other Details. How Can I Get Her to Listen?

If you’ve spoken to her calmly and explained how you see the money being spent and she still won’t listen you may have to do some behind the scenes trickery to make your wish come true.

You can explain to her that if she pays the florist in cash she could save some money and then take the cash to the florist, keeping some for other areas of the wedding. 

If the florist is friendly and mom is with you maybe the florist will work with you on pretending the bill is more and giving you back a “refund.” Though I can hear the shock of me suggesting this as I type.

Remember that when money is involved there are usually some strings attached.  The best route would be to talk to mom, get dad, grandma or a sibling involved in the conversation too to help bring her around. 

If she just won’t budge then I’m sorry but you’ll have to find the money elsewhere.

My Future Mother-in-Law is Insisting We Hire a Reception Band That Plays Music from Her Native Country. We Want a Regular Band. What Do We Do?

Is she paying for the wedding?  When a parent or other relative is covering the costs there are usually strings attached.

I would look for a compromise where the band she wants plays during cocktails or during dinner or for part of the dancing portion of the reception. 

If your fiance can’t seem to talk his mother into some kind of compromise, it’s up to both of you to decide if you:

A.  Need her money to cover the wedding costs and have to do what she asks

B.  Can ignore her requests and hire who you want

C.  Go ahead and hire her band as well as the band you want and have the two coordinate who will play when at the wedding

A wedding shouldn’t cause World War III but it’s common for individuals to disagree on the details.  If your future mother-in-law won’t compromise then I vote for C and if money’s the issue, hire a less expensive DJ of your choice to alternate with the band of hers.