My Future Mother-in-Law is Insisting We Hire a Reception Band That Plays Music from Her Native Country. We Want a Regular Band. What Do We Do?

Is she paying for the wedding?  When a parent or other relative is covering the costs there are usually strings attached.

I would look for a compromise where the band she wants plays during cocktails or during dinner or for part of the dancing portion of the reception. 

If your fiance can’t seem to talk his mother into some kind of compromise, it’s up to both of you to decide if you:

A.  Need her money to cover the wedding costs and have to do what she asks

B.  Can ignore her requests and hire who you want

C.  Go ahead and hire her band as well as the band you want and have the two coordinate who will play when at the wedding

A wedding shouldn’t cause World War III but it’s common for individuals to disagree on the details.  If your future mother-in-law won’t compromise then I vote for C and if money’s the issue, hire a less expensive DJ of your choice to alternate with the band of hers.

I Hired a DJ But Now I’m Having Second Thoughts and Think We Should Hire a Band. How Do We Decide What to Do?

First ask yourselves why you hired a DJ in the first place. Was it because it would save you money? Did you go to an event where he played and you liked the way he got the crowd on the floor? Was it because you thought a wedding band may not play the songs you want? Is it this particular DJ that you’re having second thought about or just the idea of a DJ in general.

Before you cancel the contract, lose your deposit and start the music search over again you need to figure out what your alternative options are -- is there a band you like that’s free on your wedding day? Will you have enough time to find someone new? And secondly, what entertainment do you really want for your wedding?

It’s fine to change your mind but just make sure you’re making the decision for the right reasons and before canceling the contract you need to know that the alternative you’re looking for is available.

What’s the Difference Between Having a Wedding Band or a DJ?

Many will say cost, but there are DJs that cost as much as a band. The question you and your fiance have to ask yourselves is: What type of music do you want at your wedding?

A wedding band will play a wide range of songs and can get your guests moving but the songs won’t sound exactly like the original artist. A DJ can play a wider range of songs, can get the crowd moving and their music will be the original recordings.

You can also hire the reception band or DJ to play music during the ceremony and cocktail hour, making it one entertainment company you are working with.

And while I’m not making the case for either one as detailed as a wedding band musician or DJ would, the simple question is what do you want to hear -- the exact song by your favorite artist or can you live with a cover of it?

I’ve been to weddings that had a band and weddings with a DJ and both were great parties. Do your research and try and see the musicians/DJ perform live if possible to get a feel for their sound, energy and how the crowd reacts to them. If the audience is having a great time then your guests will probably enjoy them too.

My DJ Asked If We Were Having an In-Laws Dance. What Is It?

An in-laws dance is a special dance where the bride dances with her father-in-law and the groom dances with his mother-in-law. You choose one song for both couples to dance to at the same time. You can have the in-laws dance at any point during the reception but I would suggest after the first dance, father/daughter and groom/mother dances.

Choose a song that appeals to all four people instead of one that’s about daughters or mothers. Your DJ (or band) should have recommendations for you.

It’s not a very common special dance so make sure your photographer and videographer are aware that it is taking place and when so they capture it on film.

It’s entirely up to you if you want to have one. Base the decision on the feelings and relationships of all four people involved. For example, if it’s known that the groom and your mom don’t get along you may not want to force them to dance together.

We Want Live Music at Our Wedding But Can’t Afford a Full Band. What are Our Options?

Contact an entertainment company that represents both bands and DJs and discuss the option of hiring a DJ and a singer plus an instrument or two to play for part of the reception.

You can have a singer, accompanied by a keyboard and/or guitar and/or horn instrument, to sing and play the music for special dances. Another option is to have live music, such as standards, being sung during dinner instead of canned music and have the DJ play music that gets the crowd on the dance floor.

Be honest about your budget and what you want for your wedding and the vendors you’re meeting with will better be able to help find the right solution for you.

I Want to Share My Father-Daughter Dance With My Dad and Stepdad. How Can I?

Well you have two options. You can dance two separate dances and choose a special song for each one or you can begin dancing with your dad and have your stepdad cut in about half-way through.

Talk to your band/DJ to find out what they recommend. Two special dances plus the groom and his mom’s dance make about 8-10 minutes and to be honest after about the first 30 seconds no one is really paying attention. To keep your guests in the party mood you may want to choose one song.

But if you’d prefer two, break up the dances. Share the first dance with dad between the first and second course and the second dance with your stepdad between the second and dessert. Or vice versa.

A Bit of Music Advice

Everyone has their favorite artist or type of music, but there are some songs you can dance to and some that you can't.

When choosing music for your reception, select a band that can play everything from the standards to Motown to disco to today's Top 40 hits. And if you're hiring a DJ find out how far their music library goes back so you can get a good mix of the past six decades.

Remember that just because you love a local Van Halen cover band (and they come in under budget) doesn't mean your guests will love four hours of them.

5 Ways to Save Money on Wedding Music

Whether you're planning on hiring a band or DJ for your wedding, there are a number of ways you can save money:

1. Hire musicians from a local music school.
2. Find out if your church has a choir that can sing during your ceremony.
3. Choose a band with fewer musicians. Some musicians play multiple instruments or sing and play an instrument.
4. Set a firm time in the contract for the music to end so you don't incur overtime charges.
5. Play canned music during the ceremony and cocktail hour.

Making a Party Playlist

If you're like me then you have no idea how to put together a party playlist.  I am always eyeing the iPods of friends to see what songs they have on when we're over for a cocktail or dinner party.  My playlists are built by decade or artist so guests will either get an all Elvis playlist or an all '80s playlist.

When having guests over for a pre-wedding celebration like an engagement cocktail party or a more formal event like your rehearsal dinner you may want to put on some background music.  While a wedding-themed playlist can be fun for the first 10 minutes, you may want something a little more sophisticated for the rest of the night.

Pandora.com is the perfect, free, service to help you put together the right playlist for your party.  You enter the name of a song or artist and they will create and play a playlist for you with music by that artist and similar sounding songs.  You won't end up with a playlist of one artist.

The songs will play continuously at no charge and you can play the music directly from your computer or attach a pair of speakers to your computer for more/better quality sound.  And speaking of sound, remember to keep the sound loud enough to hear the music but not loud enough so that your guests have to yell over it.

And while you can use pandora.com to help find the right songs for your wedding ceremony, cocktail hour and reception playlist, I recommend hiring a professional wedding band or DJ for your wedding day.

Tips If You're Planning a Surprise First Dance

I recently assigned a story that was published today on aisledash.com on first dance videos.  I had the writer pull together 10 great surprise first dances - you know the type, where the couple starts with a traditional first dance and surprises their guest by suddenly dancing to a choreographed upbeat song.

Anyway, one thing I noticed with almost all of these dances was that it took a long time to get to the surprise.  One couple slow danced for a minute or so before breaking into the upbeat choreographed number.

My advice is that if you are going to surprise your guests keep the slow or traditional dance to no more than 30 seconds.

Another tip is to let your photographer and videographer know what you're planning so they aren't recording the dance from behind you.  You'll want to see the smiles on your faces when you watch your wedding video.

Paul Rudd: The Bar Mitzvah DJ

I know this is a wedding blog, but as someone who had their Bat Mitzvah in the early 1990s and a Paul Rudd fan, I had to share this video of Paul Rudd as The Bar Mitzvah DJ:


Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

Simply because it reminds me of my own and the many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs I attended and also it's nice to see where people who made it big started out.

But since this is a wedding blog, here's a wedding DJ tip:

It's a good idea to not just hear a DJ in action but to also see a DJ in action.  Either attend an event that the DJ is playing at or get a video of a wedding they worked to see what they're personality is like.  Does he just stand behind the table and play music?  Can he also MC or do you need to hire someone else to do that?  Does he say things that you think are cheesy?  Can he motivate and read the crowd?

Don't be afraid to ask for a video or if you call a reference, ask if you can see their video.  Maybe they can email it to you.

Get Up On the Dance Floor

As the bride and groom you are the hosts of the event - if you're parents are paying they are considered hosts too.  So when it comes to getting the party started it's up to the two of you to get things going.

Your guests will follow your lead.  If you're on the dance floor they'll want to be on it with you.  If you're visiting with each table, many people will remain in their seats because they are waiting to speak with you.

Basically, the more the bride and groom avoid the dance floor the more your guests will.

So if you're hoping that everyone has an amazing time at your wedding and hired a great band or DJ it's important that the two of you enjoy time on the dance floor with your guests.  If you guys aren't big dancers there's nothing wrong with planning a formal dinner and hiring musicians specifically to play background music during the meal.

Family Dances

At the wedding of a friend a few years back the bride shared a special dance with her mother and halfway through the dance her sister joined in.

The bride's parents divorced when she was little and her father was more out of her life than in so she decided it was important to honor her mom.  (Dad walked her down the aisle and she did the father-daugher dance too.)

On the radio today a DJ asked listers to call in with their favorite moment at a wedding and one woman mentioned that she loves special dances and specifically mentioned a brother-sister dance.  I've never heard or seen this but it's similar to what my friend did and I think it's a beautiful idea.

A wedding is a wonderful celebration and there aren't many opportunities in life to honor and give thanks to those important to you.  Talk to your band or DJ about including an additional special dance in your reception but remember to keep it short - maybe even have it be not even half a song and then invite everyone else on the dance floor.

Yes, it's a special moment for you but after about 30 seconds your guests will lose interest and you don't want bored guests at your wedding.

When to Schedule Parent Dances

I stopped by Bloomingdale’s on the way home to hear Vera Wang speak on her 20th anniversary and ran into a DJ, Jason Fioto from Generation Events in New York City.  We originally met at another Bloomingdale’s event a few months back where I politely asked him to turn the music down because I was having trouble chatting with Jessica from Judy Paulen Designs in the next booth.

Anyway, since I hadn’t written my post for today I asked Jason to give me one of his top wedding music tips.  Here it is:

“Save the parent dances till after the main course. That way the first dance, which takes place at the beginning of the reception, is all about the bride and groom.”

And Jason also gave me his thoughts on tipping so I’m adding an update to my recent post on tipping vendors.

Come Listen!

That Wedding Show with Anne and Chris (of The Man Registry) has launched on the Wedding Podcast Network!

The show is a mix of wedding trends and happenings and Chris and I debate and discuss some of the most common wedding fights/arguments brides and grooms have - like when to talk about the wedding (brides: not all the time) and how to divide the guest list between the two families.

Click here to listen to the premiere show

And it's about 40 minutes so I'd listen while doing chores in the house or during your commute or at the gym.  I listened to the show at work today with headphones.

And at one point we tell you how you can win free wedding invitations, wedding favors and bridesmaid dresses through the show's sponsor weddingpaperdivas.com.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts and if you have a problem you need help solving email onthecouch@thatweddingshow.com with what you and your groom are arguing about.

Wedding Inspiration from the Muppets

I have no idea why the theme song to The Muppet Show is in my head, but I've been humming it all day and now that I'm home I've been singing it. I'm trying to think if there's a wedding tip in this and there are two things that I came up with.

1 - Inspiration. Think back to your childhood because there could be something from those years that inspires you. If you were the type of little girl who dreamed of her wedding day think back to what those dreams were. Did you always imagine walking down to the aisle to a particular song? What did the flowers and cake look like? What did you dance to with your dad? Was there something you remember from a wedding you attended as a child that you always wanted to do for your wedding? Inspiration can come from anywhere! Even from the Muppets.

2 - Music. One of my favorite songs about weddings is from the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan and it's sung by every character: Somebody's Getting Married. It's just one of those songs that make you smile. I made a CD of wedding-themed songs and played it while we were getting ready. The other songs on the disc were Going to the Chapel, With This Ring, Get Me to the Church on Time and The Boy I'm Gonna Marry.  I made a similar CD of shower-type songs for my sister's shower that we played while guests arrived.  I just thing it's a fun way to add to all the excitement.

Don't Hire a Cheesy DJ and Other Helpful Tips

Steve Hoffman from GoodNote DJs in Washington, DC just launched a video on 10 Tips for Hiring a Wedding DJ and I thought I'd share them with you because they are extremely helpful.

My personal favorite is "don't hire a cheesy DJ, leave the cheese for the hors d'oeurves." And he's right, a cheesy DJ can keep people off the dance floor by playing songs like the Hokey Pokey -- I heard this one at a wedding.

Below you can watch Steve explain his 10 tips - grab a pen and your planning notebook to jot them down!

Get the Party Started with a "Rockin' Recessional Song"

I recently became acquainted with Steve Hoffman of Good Note, a DJ in the MD, DC and VA area. He has a great blog that gives brides advice and ideas all from a DJ’s perspective.

One of the posts I came across was A Rockin’ Recessional and I thought I’d share it with you. The idea is to choose a rockin’ good song to walk up the aisle to instead of a classical song.

Dave and I walked up the aisle to Everlasting Love but since only the ceremony musicians had arrived in time for the ceremony – and not the reception band – they played the Natalie Cole song and it didn’t sound exactly how I imagined it. I recommend having jazz or reception musicians play an upbeat song for the recessional because while classical musicians will make the song sound good it won't be the upbeat sound you're looking for.

Anyway back to Steve.

Here are three of the songs Steve recommends for a recessional:

Signed Sealed Delivered by Stevie Wonder
Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now by McFadden & Whitehead
Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen

He writes, and I agree, that the upbeat tempo will signal to your guests that the ceremony is over and the party is about to begin.

Here's the link to the rest of the upbeat recessional songs on Steve's list and visit Goodnote.com to check out his work and availability for your wedding.

When Did Sweet Caroline Become a Wedding-Music Must?

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before but when did Sweet Caroline become such a popular wedding reception song? It’s nothing against Neil Diamond—I’m a fan and went to his NYC concert a year ago and this post came to mind when we were listening to my Neil Diamond playlist this morning—but I don’t quite understand when it became a standard at weddings.

I think every wedding I’ve been too in the past three years has played it and everyone sings along to the chorus – it kind of reminds me of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer as a great bar song where everyone does the “ooooh oh” chorus part.

This post is really just a commentary and question on my part wondering when Sweet Caroline joined such other wedding standards as Sunrise, Sunset, Shout and What a Wonderful World.

Here’s a related tip: When talking to your band or DJ go over their list of usually played wedding songs and see if there’s anything you want to cross off the list. And of course you should also give them your do and don’t playlists for the reception.

Sound Story

A friend recently went to a wedding and she told me that the sound was horrible. The reception was held in a very large space that was made from stone – it was an old museum.

She said that even with a microphone you couldn’t hear the toasts and didn’t know when to clap or laugh. She didn’t tell me how the band sounded.

It’s very important to take the sound of the space into consideration, especially if it’s an old building that may not have been built with wedding receptions in mind. Don’t be afraid to question the location manager about acoustics and if they have a list of recommended vendors you can ask these vendors about their thoughts on the sound situation too.